|San Marino 0-6 England. Stadio Olimpico.|
All of that may make you wonder, what is the point in going to San Marino to watch a game? Surely you could find an equivalent standard at say, Sussex Sunday League level and not have to pay for flights or a match ticket. Just be wary of the dog excrement around the side of the pitch and the vomit left by the hungover left back.
|Birra Moretti - and plenty of it|
We started in Pisa which has so much more to offer than just a poorly constructed tower. Really, you have to admire the carefree attitude that epitomises Italian life. If The Shard had have been built and then started leaning at an alarming angle, there would be enquiries, lawsuits and it would probably be torn down and rebuilt. But the Italians? "Ah well, the Tower of Pisa leans a bit, not a lot we can do now, hey maybe we can even turn it into a tourist attraction." One that shouldn't be climbed if you've had a couple of pints, it must be said.
|Bloody cowboy builders|
|The view from the top of the Leaning Tower. Not advisable to|
climb after a few pints
|Pizza in Pisa. Yes, I've become one of those people who|
photographs their dinner
1 Euro a flavoured vodka shot. A dangerous game to play
From Pisa, it was off to Florence. There wasn't much to report about this great city other than the fact that yours truly can now add it to the list of places he has slept rough in after a hostel mix up saw me miss check in. This started out by spending as long as possible in a pub that fantastically saw a performance of Taylor Swift at some weird Open Mic night type event before joining some migrants in a park, sharing around some more Moretti and then visiting the cities cathedral - the biggest bricked dome building in the world no less.
|Florence Cathedral. A bloody impressive building even when|
drunk at 3am and with nowhere to sleep
|The stunning views across Italy from the City of San Marino|
|San Marino's main export is weaponery, available over the counter|
A medieval place with old walls and plenty of stairs, it offers breathtaking views across Italy from the top of Mount Titan. There is not a lot else going on there bar food and drink unless you fancy picking up some weaponery with a plethora of shops having guns, knifes and for those of us who'd like to impress Jennifer Lawrence with our Hunger Games skills, crossbows available for sale over the counter. Unfortunately, EasyJet's overly strict policy on dangerous items meant that no purchase was practical.
|Stadio Olimpico - pre-season friendly in Scandanavia anyone?|
|An excellent venue for international football|
|Not got a ticket? Don't worry about it, this handily placed|
hill will sort you out
As you might expect, England ran out comfortable 6-0 winners through goals from Wayne Rooney, Ross Barkley, Harry Kane, a Theo Walcott brace and an own goal from Cristian Brolli. Brolli himself did actually manage to justify the entrance fee alone with an absolutely stunning display of ineptitude, scoring not only that own goal but having to play most of the first half with a bandage around his head which constantly came off on the several times when he fell managed to fall over thin air. He was definitely the pissed up left back of the pub team.
|27 degrees, sun blaring, floodlights on. Caring for the|
|The Boy Rooney prepares to equal the England goalscoring|
|Home via Rome - another ground ticked off|
|No sign of the Pope|
A return visit to Italy for a Roma or Lazio game then? Ah, that would be a shame.
San Marino: Aldo Junior Simoncini, Cristian Brolli, Marco Berardi, Davide Simoncini (Alessandro Della Valle), Mirko Palazzi, Nicola Chiaruzzi, Manuel Battistini, Giovanni Bonini (Luca Tosi), Andy Selva (Danilo Ezequiel Rinaldi), Jose Hirch, Matteo Vitaioli.
England: Joe Hart, Nathaniel Clyne, John Stones, Phil Jagielka, Luke Shaw, James Milner (Fabian Delph), Jonjo Shelvey, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Theo Walcott 2), Ross Barkley 1, Jamie Vardy, Wayne Rooney 1 (Harry Kane 1)