Italy v England. 31/03/15

"Of course I'm coming for a beer afterwards. Anything to avoid going back to a hostel where I am the only guest and that appears to be run by a geriatic retired mafia boss."

Italy 1-1 England. Juventus Stadium.
Tuesday 31/03/15

Italy is home to many things that I love. Pizza, Ferrari, beautiful women, excessive use of car horn and the best national anthem in the world to name but a few. Yet criminally this was my first ever proper visit to the country that gave us bunga bunga.

We'd all heard the horror stories of football trips to Italy. Stabbings, batton charging police, running battles on the terraces, mopeds being launched and chairs luzzed. "Make sure you pack your running shoes and your stab proof underwear" was the general advice. Do I look like I own a pair of running shoes? And as far as stab proof underwear goes, I know living in Brighton would you'd think make it easily accesible but would it really be necessary?

Snow covered Alps just a ciagrette lighters throw from Turin

Unfortunately for the tabloid headline writers and the doom mongerers among us, no was the answer. Italy v England passed out without so much as a hitch. A few lighters flying through the air when Andros Townsend popped up with his second half equaliser for the Three Lions was about as Football Factory as the visit to Turin got. With this trip taking place on a limited budget, there was disappointment all round that no much needed spare change was lobbed into the away section by the locals.

The trip started and ended in Milan, a short 45 minute or so hop via the very amicable Italian express train service alongside the snow covered alps from Turin. There wasn't s great deal of time to explore Milan before heading to the host city but naturally we found time to cram a couple of beers in.

Look out for rouge minis...

Turin itself was a beautiful place. Situated at the foot of the mountains, it is a mixture of the old and the modern with the arches that The Italian Job made famous in all their glory, minus a plethora of minis running riot around the city.

Having been subjected to weather that was wetter than an otters pocket upon leaving Gatwick, it would have been rude not to take advantage of the balmy sunshine, sitting outside in t-shirt and sunglasses in one of Turin's delightful piazzas drinking refreshing Italian beers. Or at least it would have been had Anticco Cafe not run out of local brew due to the plethora of England fans enjoying their facilities - Becks all round it was.

The "small" pizza which could block a mans
arteries with one moutful

For food, we took the when in Rome - or Turin - approach which meant pizza of course. This was pizza unlike I'd ever seen it; a grossly unhealthy mixture of dough, cheese, bacon, sausage and tomato that was bigger than a car wheel and could clog an artery by looks alone. It was the sort of item that would turn the black hole in NHS funding into whatever a black hole turns into (a quick Google search doesn't throw up the answer to complete that particular analogy so any advice gratefully received if Brian Cox is reading).

Italian entreprenuership at it's best - this chap sells bottles of
beer from a trailer to England fans queuing for the shuttle bus
to the ground. Berlusconi would be proud.

The Italian authorities had laid on a convoy of busses straight to Juventus Stadium for England supporters which after what appeared would be a total cock up actually ran quite smoothly aided by a beautiful blonde police woman on a motorbike. Attempts to find, be arrested by and propose to her after the game were I am afraid to report a failure.

After some pretty stringent security which involved an ID check against name on ticket, a thorough search, another search and then another turnstile check we were into Juventus Stadium. And what a place it is. If you'd missed leg day for the trip then there was no need to worry, the steepness of the stands was such that you got a thorough work out just getting down a couple of rows of steps.

How's that for a steep stand?

The England section

Built on the site of Stadio delle Alpi and opened within the last few years, the top seat in the stadium is just 49m from the pitch thanks to the desire to keep the atmosphere in with the steep rake. Whether it works or not we didn't find out on the night as there were plenty of empy seats - around 1/4 of the stadium was unfilled - among the Italian support with the crowd being a mixture of younger fans and families - a far cry from the passionate locals that pack it out for Juve games. Having said that, when the Tifosi did score and for that brilliant national anthem, the noise generated was loud so when the place is rocking for a Grand Old Lady game it must be quite the sight (added to "must do games list").

Juventus Stadium in all her glory

Two tiered all the way around, it is one of the better new grounds visited particualry for international football. A nice touch is the executive boxes which appear to take the form of conservatories in the middle of the main stand, all rather bizarre.

Conservatories as executive boxes was a novel addition

As far as friendlies go, this was a decent one with Southampton's Graziano Pelle opening the scoring in a pretty dire first half for the Three Lions. Once Roy Hodgson made a raft of second half changes including a tinkering with the formation England were the better side with Townsend's goal securing a draw and sparking wild scenes of celebration despite the friendly nature of the game and the aforementioned opportunity to add to ones lighter collection.

Pints in the Joking Jester with some friendly locals
before moving onto a student night at Lapsus.

The standard lock in happened afterwards and around 45 minutes later we were back on buses and the convoy was off to the city centre, where we found a delightful little pub called Jumping Jester. It was obviously the place to be as we were soon joined by Neil Ashton and some other members of the Sunday Supplement squad, fresh from filing their reports and ready for a manly vodka and lemonade.

One thing they certainly weren't having to go through is the nightmare accomodation situation suffered by the journalists at McCarthy Football Travels. Somehow, I'd managed to book myself into a hostel that appeared to be run by a geriatice former mafia boss and in which I was the only person staying. He also had a penchant for parading around naked. One man in an eight man room in an empty hostel. If that wasn't the premise to be murdered in some sort of horror movie scene then God knows what was.

Only guest in an eight man room in an empty hostel run by
a retired geriatic mafia boss. Somehow, I survived

With that in mind, the aim was to stay out as late as possible which was achieved in stunning style thanks to the nightclub Lapsus' student night going on until 4am. A club full of beautiful Italian students and not one batton wielding police officer in sight. That wasn't the case for all our England supporting friends however, rumours swirling around that the police did clear out one pub full of English for no other reason than that they were bored with the lack of trouble stirred up throughout the day by the visitors.

Turin Cathedral - home to the Holy Shroud

Of course, Lapsus led to a terrible hangover the following day and the recreation of one of the cities great artefacts with the Shroud of Turin being delightfully imitated with the Sick Covered Bath Mat of Turin. Being owned by a former mafia boss, the hostel had obviously seen worse than this modern day twist on an historical relic, which was inspiration enough to go on a Holy items tour before the journey back to England including the resting place of the actual Shroud, the stunning Milan Cathedral and then finally the Church of Saint John the Baptist and then onto the Convent of Santa Maria delle Grazie when back in Milan, scene of Da Vinci's Last Supper.

Milan Cathedral

Home of the Last Supper

Which was quite ironic, seeing as all the elements (batton charging police, machete carrying locals and a hostel owner who was seemingly more used to dealing with corpses and horses heads than a living, breathing guest) suggested it could have been the scene of my last supper too.

Forza Italia

Italy: Gianluigi Buffon, Giorgio Chiellini (Emiliano Moretti), Matteo Darmian (Luca Antonelli), Andrea Ranocchia, Leonardo Bonucci, Roberto Soriano, Mirko Valdifiori (Marco Verratti), Marco Parolo, Alessandro Florenzi (Ignazio Abate), Eder (Ciro Immobile), Grazian Pelle 1 (Franco Vazquez).

England: Joe Hart, Nathaniel Clyne (Kyle Walker), Chris Smalling (Michael Carrick), Phil Jagielka, Kieran Gibbs (Ryan Bertrand), Phil Jones, Jordan Henderson (Ryan Mason), Fabian Delph (Andros Townsend 1), Theo Walcott (Ross Barkley), Harry Kane, Wayne Rooney.

Attendance: 31,138

Standard Liege v Cercle Brugge. 27/02/15

"The fact this bloke keeps serving us 15% beer shows a blatant disregard for how hammered we are getting."

Standard Liege 1-0 Cercle Bruge. Stade Maurice Dufrasne.
Friday 27/02/15

There are plenty of things that you expect when you go to a game of football. Being surrounded by beautiful women is certainly not one of them. So what on Earth was going on at Standard Liege v Cercle Brugge?

You normally get the odd girl that catches the eye at games on the continent. But this was something else. Even the stewards were stunning for crying out loud. The amount of good looking girls was comparitive to what you find at a wedding where everybody without fail always looks good - even Janet Street Poter probably looked gorgeous walking down the aisle.

Stade Maurice Dufrasne

The amazing standard of lady certainly made for an excellent experience at Liege which was looking far from the case in the hours prior to the game thanks to that old chestnut better known as the hangover. Over 12 hours of strong Belgian beer in Bruges the previous day had left a head that felt like it had been 20 rounds with Mike Tyson but with a fully functioning and remaining ear.

As a result, I'm sure you can imagine just how horrific the two hour train journey down to Liege was. Is there anything more terrible than going backwards on a train that flies around bend after bend while hungover? It turned out there was - a bus journey from the city centre to Stade Maurice Dufrasne in which the driver had no idea of the concept of "slow breaking". And it turned out there was something even worse than that - being given tickets in among the home sides ultras, next to two men with military sized drums and facing two others with megaphones. Poor, poor head.

The moon rises over Stade Liege

How does one get over the said hangover? Cheveux du chien, of course which translates (according to Google) as hair of the dog. After that bus journey from hell, we found two little bars outside of the stadium, one called Cup Cafe which was packed with - you've guessed it - beautiful bar staff and another called Bois d'Avoy which was basically a glorified garage converted into a beer facility.

Bois d'Avroy - the glorified drinking garage

Didn't fancy that? No problem, pick up a crate of beer and join one of the many parties taking place on the steet behind the stadium or on the coaches and buses that had bought fans to the ground. Several drinks later and the perilous state that the previous evening had left yours truly in was beginning to dilapidate.

Grab a beer and join some fans on their bus

Until of course we were inside the towering stands of Maurice Dufrasne. And in among those ultras. Flag waving, megaphone shouting, drum banging, weed smoking, beer swilling, jumping and singing ultras. And guess what - there were even some wonderful women in amongst that rabble. Quite the atmosphere among the Liege faithful.

In with the Liege hardcore

Jupiler et Football!

Stade Maurice Dufrasne is a fine venue, being somewhat reminiscent of The Valley - ironic given former Charlton manager Jose Riga is now in the hot seat. It is three tiered on three sides with the bottom two tiers behind either goal consisting of the mythical rail seating that people are so keen to see in English grounds to allow a return to safe standing. The other stand is a two tiered affair while the ground has a modern feel after being largely rebuilt for Euro 2000. It's aged well like a fine wine.

Rail seating - take note please, Football Association

And good news for the Greeks among us - Maurice Dufrasne is a Euro free building! Like many grounds on this part of the continent, they've done what Syriza can only dream of doing and abolished the single currency in favour of Jetons which can be purchased at a very amicable rate and used to purchase beer and waffles inside the stadium.

Three steep tiers. Now we're talking

The Valley in disguise? Jose Riga will feel at home

With Standard pushing for the title and Cercle battling towards the bottom of the table, this game tested the patience of the home support as they saw their side miss chance after chance after chance with Cercle goalkeeper Olivier Werner doing his best to frustrate Standard right up until the 89th minute when the brilliantly named substitute Ricardo Faty nabbed a late late winner much to the delight of the ultras.

But it wasn't to our delight, missing the goal having left for the three mile journey back into the city with five minutes of normal time remaining. 45 minutes later and we were back settled in a bar around the station, a massive structure that looks more like a spaceship than a public transport hub. It was arguably the best station I've ever seen although it is some way outside of the actual centre of Liege - an area we never managed to find ourselves in which is another convenient excuse for a 

return visit.

Not something from the set of Star Wars - the incredible Liege Station

But back to that question that remains unaswered and I can't shake from my mind. Just why were there so many beautiful women at Stade Maurice Dufrasne? It remains a mystery. Answers on a postcard please.

Standard Liege: Yohann Thuram, Dino Arslanagic (Ricardo Faty 1), Darwin Andrade, Alexander Scholz, Julien de Sart (Jeff Lois), Martin Milec, Geoffrey Mujangi Bia (Jiloan Hamad), Mehdi Carcela, Adrien Tebel, Imoh Ezekiel, Igor de Camacho.

Cercle Brugge: Olivier Werner, Gilles Dewaele, Hans Cornelis, Noe Dussenne, Pierre Bourdin, Tim Smolders, Maarten Martens (Stipe Bacelic-Grgic), Martunis, Junior Kabananga (Richard Sukuta-Pasu), Kristof D'Haene (Jinty Caenepeel), Stpehen Buyl.

Attendance: 24,693

Club Brugge v Aalborg BK. 26/02/15

"147 different beers. Complimentary bowl of gouda with each round. Eight hours until kick off. I can't see what can possibly go wrong."

Club Brugge 3-0 Aalborg BK. Jan Breydel Stadion.
Thursday 26/02/15.

Researching the fine medieval city of Bruges threw up many fantastic quotes. "Venice of the North", "Romantic Hotspot" and "Chocolate Lovers Capital" were three such straplines which may appeal to your traditional holiday goer but to be brutally honest did nothing for me.

The one that did catch the eye was "Bruges is a city that takes beer very seriously". How seriously I wondered? Well, put it this way - it doesn't get much more serious than pubs dispensing with a food menu in favour of a beer one. Now that is my sort of seriousness.

Jan Breydel Statue - lucky man to have a statue AND a ground
named after him

A trip to Belgium or the Netherlands had long been the plan for the opening gambit of 2015's adventures across Europe, and so it was that Bruges reputation for beer gave it the nod with one of the cities two Jupiler Pro League sides, Club Brugge, having been obliging enough to progress to the knockout phase of the Europa League, meaning some Thursday night action against Danish side Aalborg.

And they say Christmas comes early in England -
just the ten months to go for the people of Bruges....

But before the football, we had that beer to get through. An hours train journey from Brussels deposited the happy party in this most beautiful of cities; all cobbled streets, ancient walls, twisting canals and chocolate coloured buildings. Very romantic.

La Garre - 147 beers and complimenaty gouda = heaven

And then we stumbled across La Garre. Hidden down a Harry Potter-style alleyway that you could quite easily blink and miss, this is the sort of place that every connoisseur of strong, continental lager loves to discover. 147 beers, none weighing in at under 6% and a complimentary bowl of gouda with each round ordered. All consumed while listening to some of the greats of European classical music. What was this, McCarthy's Football Travels does culture?!

In the morning, I'm making waffles

That certainly couldn't last, not when a certain level of debauchery has almost become a requirement on football trips away. As marvelous as this little hideaway of a pub was - and trust me, it was pretty marvelous - we had plenty more pubs to see and plenty more beers to drink. From there we explored the winding streets taking in the sights (Belfry, Statue of Jan Breydel and Pieter de Coninck, Provincial Court), eating the food (cheese, waffles, cheese) and surveying the pubs (Klein Venetie, Hollandse Vismyn, Tongerlo) before finding ourselves joining the traveling Aalborg army.

They were gathered in the least Brugesy pub you could find which went by the original name of La Pub. Incredibly, we managed to stumble across a set of fans who had recently become besotted by darts ever since seeing Jan Molby defeating Eric Bristow in a charity game the week previously.

Aalborg on Tour - with our fellow darts fanatics

Acquaintances made, e-mail addresses swapped so that our new found friends could come over and watch some action at the Aly Pally in December and several more beers sunk and we found ourselves taking up their invitation to join the supporters on their march to the Jan Breydel Stadion.

Now there was just one problem with this march. The stadium happens to be an absolute hike out of the town and by now the rain had begun to lash down in biblical proportions. When the masses were letting off flares and having a good sing song on the steps of the Provincial Court this didn't seem like such a problem. Nor was it when fireworks and firecrackers were going off still five minutes into the walk. Around ten minutes in though and we were freezing cold and soaking wet so did what all good Englishman do in those circumstances - snuck off to find yet another pub to "dry off" in.

Aalborg fans gather on the steps to the Provincial Court....

That resulted in our arrival at Jan Breydel Stadion coming via the not-so-ultra means of a bus which thankfully did give more time to sink some beers in the excellent Den Compt Ir outside the ground - so excellent in fact, that we ended up missing the first 10 minutes of the game and returning to said venue for 90 minutes afterwards.

Not that missing the start really mattered. Club Brugge had won the first leg of the tie in Denmark the week previously 3-1 and so were pretty much guaranteed their spot in the last 16 barring some sort of major cock up along the line of the entire squad trying all 147 pints in La Garre pre game. Being the glory hunters we are, as a result the decision was taken to join the home fans despite our honorary membership of the Aalborg supporters club to revel in the inevitable victory.

Jan Breydel Stadion

By full time, that victory had become even more comfortable as Brugge ran out 3-0 winners on the night to take the tie 6-1 on aggregate. The game itself was a pretty terrible spectacle with wind and rain lashing down in which nothing worth remembering happened - or possibly that we remember nothing that happened. Whatever the case, it was a pity given Brugge include among their ranks highly rated Australian goalkeeper Matthew Ryan and it would have been nice to see why he is so well thought of - as it was, he definitely could have sunk several 12 percenters with us beforehand such was his lack of employment throughout the 90 minutes.

Jan Breydel Stadion

Bonus points for this floodlight arrangement

Jan Breydel was used when Belgium hosted Euro 2000 alongside the Netherlands and time hasn't been overly kind to it. That adds a certain charm with the floodlights sticking up off the roof earning it big brownie points. It is made up of four separate stands, each two tiered and all seated. The glamour and allure of the Europa League hasn't managed to tempt in the Belgian public seemingly, with 2/3rds of the ground empty. Although for such a dead rubber game, who can blame them for staying in one of the many fine watering holes around the city? They do take the beer seriously.

We took in the first half from a stand down one side which was not serving beer before switching to the end behind the goal for the second. It would be easy to say this was because that was where the Brugge fanatics were gathered, singing songs and going crazy for their side but you'd soon realise what a bare faced lie that was when it was revealed that this was in fact the end - the only end in the ground, seemingly - selling beer.

Handbags at dawn

Once again however alcohol proved its worth as at the end of the game we were in prime position to join in with the Brugge captain leading the fans in a sing-a-long about Bruges being wonderful. It was hard to disagree as they marched on towards the next round of Europe and a date with Besiktas.

Brugge is wonderful!

With a trip to Liege in the morning, the sensible thing to do at that point would have been to go home and prepare for a second day on the shant in Belgium. Regular readers will know however that there is rarely anything sensible about these trips, which naturally meant the evening ended with more beer and what is becoming the worrying tradition, started in Dortmund last April, of being asked to leave a bar for constantly playing Phil Collins and Easy Lover on a self DJ-ing laptop.

You'd have thought that in a city that bills itself as being a romantic hotspot they would love a bit of Phil. And we were certainly feeling the love back at the hotel bar when we bumped into - you guessed it - our fellow Aalborg fans who, irony of ironies, were staying in the same place.

Familar faces back at the hotel for our 5am drinking session...
just what was NOT needed

Joy of joys, more beer needed then and before we knew it, bang, it was 5am. Time, as is so often the case unless you possess a TARDIS, had proven to be against us. Which means that a return visit to Bruges and La Garde is an absolute necessity. There are 144 more beers that need tasting. These things are very serious, don't you know.

Club Brugge: Matthew Ryan, Davy de Fauw, Oscar Duarte, Thomas Meunier (Laurens de Bock), Brandon Mechele, Boli Bolingoli-Mbombo 1, Timmy Simons, Victor Vazquez 1 (Franciso Silva), Lior Refaelov, Ruud Vormer, Obbi Oulare 1.

Aalborg BK: Nicolai Larsen, Patrick Kristensen, Kenneth Emil Petersen, Rasmus Thelander, Thomas Enevoldsen (Anders Jacobsen), Rasmus Wurtz (Thomas Augustinussen), Kasper Risgard, Nicolaj Thomsen, Andreas Bruhn, Nicklas Helenius, Henrik Dalsgaard.

Attendance: 11,804

Lille OSC v Vfl Wolfsburg. 11/12/14

"When the waiter said 11, I presumed he meant the cost of the round not the strength of the bloody beer."

Lille OSC 0-3 Vfl Wolfsburg. Stade Pierre-Mauory.
Thursday 11/12/14

Christmas is becoming a more and more popular time to head off to the continent for a few days. You've got Christmas markets, mulled wine, the chance to shop for gifts for loved ones and the final round of matches in the Europa League.

And that is why, two weeks before the big man in a red suit does his rounds we were boarding the Eurostar to Lille. Regular readers will know that despite being more than happy to watch any German team, I do actually support one - Vfl Wolfsburg. This came about because of a long winded obsession with Schteve McClaren and although the man of a thousand accents may have long since departed Volkswagen Arena, the love for Die Wolfe remains.

Standard ferris wheel and giant tree

Wolfsburg found themselves back in European competition after a five year absence for this season and as luck would have it, their final group game threw up a trip just 90 minutes and only £60 from London St Pancras to Lille on the Belgian border. The 10th and final McCarthy's Football Travels trip of 2014  had practically booked itself.

Lille Christmas Market - frankly, a disappointment

Lille Christmas Market itself was something of a disappointment. It had the standard issue massive tree in a square as well as a ferris wheel but the stalls themselves left a lot to be desired - especially for those of us who go to these things in the search of beer. The only beer that could be found was mulled beer - an invention as terrible as it sounds.

Mulled beer - as disgusting as it sounds

Take a small glass of strong Leffe, heat it up to radioactive levels, shove a piece of lemon in it and you have mulled beer. A drink so disgusting that the only way to get rid of it effectively is by necking it - something far from advisable when a liquid is hotter than a fragment of the sun. Thankfully, there was plenty of the more traditional mulled wine on offer to take away the taste as well as a decent selection of food including a human head sized slice of what amounted to bread with cheese in it that went down very well with Andy the Vegetarian.

Drink driving laws differ in France

While the market may have left a lot to be desired, the city itself did not. Like most places in France, the bars didn't really kick into life until early evening due to everybody being on strike during the day but we found plenty of them to drink in. Lille's close proximity to Belgium meant that not only were decent French beers on offer but plenty of ridiculously strong Belgian ones as well.

Pay attention in GCSE French, otherwise you can end up
erroneously ordering an 11% beer in a ridiculous glass

If Nicky Morgan is reading this and is looking for suggestions to improve GCSE French, then here he is one - add a significant unit on ordering drinks. Had this have been in the syllabus a decade ago, its probable that the sort of problems that can arise from mistakenly believing that eleven is the price of the round as opposed to the strength of beer could have been avoided and my memory of the rest of the day would not be as fuzzy from that point on. Michael Gove would almost certainly take this on board...

20 beers on tap = BEER HEAVEN

What probably didn't help matters and can in no way be attributed to the language barrier was finding a bar after Beerstrengthgate that had 20 (TWENTY) different beers on tap. Attempting to have a half of each to complete the set was again something that you'd have to say a British Secretary of State for Education is unlikely to be able help with.

Stade Pierre-Mauroy was around a 20 minute metro ride from the city centre. It opened in 2012 and is built a long way out of town but with surrounding hotel complexes, restaurants and bars you can arrive there reasonably early and have plenty to do - namely, more drinking. The stadium itself looks suspiciously like the Allianz from the outside until you get closer and realise the entire exterior is in fact transparent.

Stade Pierre-Mauroy's transparent exterior

Stade Pierre-Mauroy 

Lille OSC - decent home ground

Inside it is three tiered all the way around and for our visit the roof was shut which led to a decent atmosphere and the unusual scenario of it being relatively warm inside the ground despite being freezing cold out. We'd sourced tickets in the home end and given the stories of the fun and games that Everton had while out there for a previous group game, decided to keep our heads down and not give away the fact that we were English supporting Wolfsburg fans for fear of a) violent reprisal and more potently b) having to explain why we support Die Wolfe.

Not the only English idiots supporting Wolfsburg it would seem...

It soon became apparent that the first point wasn't going to be a problem and so at half time (with the visitors leading 1-0 through Vieirinha) we found a friendly steward manning the segregation fence, explained the predicament without thankfully having to mention Schteve and were allowed to join our fellow Wolfsburg fans for the second half.

This was a good move as Wolfsburg went onto add another two goals through the seasonal figure of Jesus Christ look-a-like Ricardo Rodriguez. That despite going down to ten men thanks to a red card for Joshua Guilavogui. Lille couldn't find a way past the inspired Diego Bengalio, who even saved a penalty to preserve the clean sheet and 3-0 win to send Die Wolfe into the knockout stages and a meeting with Sporting Lisbon.

Ole ole ole!

The Wolfsburg fans were held in the ground afterwards but that wasn't a problem as the players came over to do some dancing in front of the away support to celebrate the victory - a theme that was taken up by the fans in the bars of Lille afterwards.

One of the golden rules of football trips abroad is never go to an Irish bar but we abandoned that to visit O Scotland - the French don't do irony or a sense of humour in general so this must have been a genuine mistake in terms of naming. The reason for ignoring that long held guideline? The place was packed with the strange mixture of Wolfsburg fans and delegates from a French/British conference on ecology that was taking place in the city.

Discussing football.....and ecology in O Scotland

Quite the crowd but a great one if you wanted to discuss Rodriguez's free kick, Bengalio's penalty save or the importance of Nicklas Bendtner on Wolfsburg's mightily impressive campaign to date alongside the less important issues of ecosystems and the worlds environment.

All of which we were naturally fluent in by the time that 3am rolled around and O Scotland was shutting for business. Who knew that female chamois in France age faster than those in Switzerland? It is amazing what 11% beer can help you learn.

The Wolfsburg massive

Good nights work for Die Wolfe

Stade Pierre-Mauroy empty as the Wolfsburg fans are locked in

Lille OSC: Vincent Enyeama, Simon Kjaer, Djibril Sdibe, Papa Souare, Marko Basa, Sebastien Corchia (Ronny Rodelin), Florent Balmont, Idrissa Gueye (Souahilo Meite), Ryan Mendes (Nolan Roux), Rio Mavuba, Divock Origi.

Vfl Wolfsburg: Diego Bengalio, Sebastian Jung, Naldo, Robin Knoche, Ricardo Rodriguez 2, Vieirinha 1 (Bernard Malanda Adje), Ivan Perisic, Kevin De Bruyne (Daniel Caligiuri), Luiz Gustavo, Joshua Guilavogui, Ivica Olic (Bas Dost).

Attendance: 33,559.